We all have things we want to improve about ourselves and January always seems like the perfect time to identify those things we want to change in the new year. However, one of my biggest problems (year-round) is trying to change too much all at once, overwhelming myself in the process. What’s more, if I try to change everything at once, I tend to focus on those things I didn’t do right rather than on all the things I did do–an all or nothing type of success, which can be really disheartening and demotivating even when you are doing 9/10 things right.
So this year, I’m going to try a different approach. This year, I’m going to only focus on one goal at a time. Each month I will focus on one specific goal for an entire month, turning it into a habit, before moving on to the next one. In this way, I can attack one goal at a time and take baby steps towards becoming the person I want to become (rather than my usual giant leap toward the bucket, missing it by a hair, and giving up completely). Because, let’s be honest…isn’t the latter how most new year’s resolutions end up going?
My aim with this structure of new year’s resolutions is to form lasting lifestyle changes, instead of just checking challenges off a list. This means that any new habit implemented in January will continue to happen in February, March, April, etc. even though I’m hoping to add a new habit in each of those months as well. In this way, I hope to make twelve or so healthier lifestyle changes over the course of an entire year.
To set myself up for success, I’m not pre-planning what goals I will be focusing on each month, because there is no way I could possibly know what direction I will want to take in the following months. By not pre-planning my goals, I am giving myself the flexibility to listen to what I need in the moment each new month.
I’m also not going to feel guilty if I slip up here or there. While I’m a perfectionist and strive for perfection in everything I do, I want this year to be different. I want to make life-lasting changes, and to do so requires some time (give it 30-days!) and grace when things don’t go exactly according to plan. So if things happen to get out of whack, my promise to myself is that I won’t punish myself and feel terrible about how awful I’m doing. Instead, each time I miss the mark, I will write down one lesson I learned from the experience and how I intend to move forward. Because this year is going to be all about building myself up and changing things for the better, not tearing myself down and repeating the cycle next year.
So here is what I am focusing on in my first month.
… January …
Habit 1: Stick to a Monthly Budget
Budgeting has always been a struggle for me–I tend to always find a way to justify new purchases that weren’t planned (aka impulse buys) and overspend my means (I’m a grad student, so I really don’t make enough to be spending the way I have been for years). In fact, you may remember this post I wrote on not spending for a month and wondering how it went. So here’s the short of it: the month started out great and I felt really good about staying on track for a few weeks, but the holiday season (and my crumpling will power) took over and I went back into my spending habits. Maybe not quite as bad as before, but I still spent more than I had planned on. So it wasn’t a huge success, but it did teach me that with a little perseverance and patience, I can do this. I can really do this. Heck, three weeks was much longer than I had gone in a long time, so there’s that. Look at the positives, right? Plus, with the pressures of holiday gift-giving behind me now (and more than enough gifts to satiate my desire for new things), I think January will be much more successful this go around.
So why start my new year goals with budgeting? Well the honest truth is that I’m tired of living in debt. Yep, that’s right…I have lots of consumer credit card debt. And I’m just so tired of having the stress of managing my debt and paying interest on it. So I want to start as soon as possible paying it off this year. But this goal isn’t all about money. If it were a simple case of numbers, it would be an easy fix. Just stop spending. But when you really dive into why I haven’t been able to stick to a budget, it’s because I use shopping to deal with and numb the tough things in my life–stress, overwhelm, low self-esteem, the need to keep up in the fashion blogging world, even boredom. So while, yes, I need to spend less overall, it’s also about being more mindful about the things I’m purchasing, finding contentment with the things I already have, and acknowledging the inherent value of myself and my life (without the things).
So here’s the plan… At the beginning of each month, I will write down every single possible purchase I could see coming up in the month. I will then go through them and parse out what is a need versus a want. I will discuss and defend each of the items on my budget openly with Allen. If I can’t defend a purchase, it doesn’t end up on the budget and won’t be allowed to be purchased over the next month. This isn’t to say that I’m cutting all fun out or that I can’t still purchase things that I want. It just means that I really have to think about what value they are/are not adding to my life before investing in them with my time and money.
So, for instance, movies are one of our favorite ways to unwind on a weekend and genuinely add value to our life–providing interesting conversation topics and a fun way to get out of the house and give our brains a rest from the week’s work. Plus, we got quite a few gift cards to Cinemark this Christmas, so it’s a bonus that we won’t have to spend our own money on them. But that still means we need to me thoughtful about making that money last–working movies into the monthly budget beforehand and deciding what we’re willing to spend on entertainment each month. It’s more about being mindful and thoughtful about where the money is going, rather than being super restrictive. Because chances are, when I really see where the money is going (and how quickly it is getting used up), I won’t want to spend as much as I’m used to.
This also forces me to have a 30-day waiting period on any purchases I want to make. So say I happen to see something I just have to have. As a part of this plan, I have to wait 30 days before I can put it up for next month’s budget, and chances are I won’t still be interested in it then. It puts potential purchases into perspective, forces me to wait out my impulses, and allows me to adequately weigh how much I really need something. Sometimes a small pause is all it takes.
One thing I’ve been very clear with myself on is that this budgeting goal is not meant to be a punishment for overspending. The past is in the past. The damage has been done, so there is no need to make myself feel worse about it–that isn’t going to make anything better. In fact, it’s probably why I’m still in a hole to this day. Guilt and shame are notorious for causing cycles of relapse. Instead, I’m framing this challenge as a way for me to permanently change my spending habits for the better, kick the consumerist approach all together, and move forward with my life. Because there are dreams Allen and I have that require saving money for. And at the end of the day, I don’t want to have to give up our dreams of traveling abroad, owning a house, and starting a family for a closet full of clothes that I never feel satisfied with anyways. Thinking about what I really want out of life puts things into perspective very quickly, and makes me feel quite silly and frivolous for filling my home with things that don’t, won’t, and can’t bring me lasting happiness. So this old habit is ending now and getting replaced with a better one.
My plan is to give a recap of how my budgeting went at the end of each month–what purchases I planned, what purchases I made, and what I learned over the course of the month. Hopefully between having monthly meetings with Allen and talking about it here with you, I can keep myself accountable to my goal.
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Habit 2: Practice Closet Contentment with a Monthly Capsule Wardrobe
In addition to wanting financial freedom, I also want freedom from the pressures of consumerism. I think a large part of why I have become addicted to shopping is that our culture tells us it is normal. That’s not to say I don’t take responsibility for it, but it’s important to take a good look at what is at the root of the issue. I think it comes down to not having a healthy way to deal with the stressors in my life, paired with the perception of excessive consumerism as not just a normal way of life, but an expected one. And honestly from my own experience, keeping up with the latest and greatest is so exhausting and really just makes me feel worse about myself. (Did you realize that ads are designed to make you feel like what you have is not good enough so that you buy more?) So I’m hoping that by taking out the option of impulse purchasing, I will have more time and energy to give to the things I actually care about, and I won’t be consumed by what I don’t have. Because if I don’t know what I’m missing, I can’t miss it, right?
Really this first month is a lot about practicing contentment with what I have. So alongside my budgeting, I will be doing monthly capsule wardrobes. I know, I know! You’re thinking, Kristin, this is focusing on two habits at once and you said you wanted to only focus on one thing at a time. But really these two habits are combating the same lifestyle issue I’m having–overspending on things I don’t need. Habit 1 restricts what I can spend and Habit 2 gives me a way to feel good about what I have. In essence, Habit 2 replaces fear (of not having something new) with contentment (with what I already own). As a part of this second habit, I will use a monthly capsule wardrobe to practice contentment in my closet.
So what is a capsule wardrobe, anyway? If you don’t know what a capsule wardrobe is, it’s a curated, reduced set of clothing that you wear (and re-wear) over a set amount of time. I originally learned about capsule wardrobes from one of my favorite bloggers, Caroline at Un-Fancy (you can read her full guide here). But in summary, a capsule wardrobe typically includes 30-50 items (tops, bottoms, shoes, accessories) that you wear over the course of three months. And while I love the idea of restricting what I have to choose from in the mornings (because let’s be honest, I only wear a small fraction of my closet anyways), I don’t really like the commitment that a typical 3-month capsule brings with it because 1) the weather can be so unpredictable and 2) I like mixing up what I’m wearing more often than 90 days. It’s just who I am. And at this point, I think it’s best to be honest with myself (without any illusion) so that I can really succeed in this.
Another option would be to stack multiple 10×10 challenges together back-to-back to get a month’s worth of outfits. And while I love doing 10×10 challenges (they have truly changed the way I look at personal style), they take a lot of time to put together and tend to favor certain pieces of clothing over others. For instance, if you commit to including a dress in your 10 picks, you can’t just wear it once…you’d need to wear it 2-3 times over the course of the 10-day period. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing 10×10 challenges when you need a break from a bursting closet, but I need something a little longer term and less restrictive this time around. Again, I like my variety!
I want something with the flexibility of a longer capsule (I want to wear a dress a few times over the month, but not every week) and the shorter time span of a 10×10 challenge (but maybe something just a little longer). I want a challenge that limits what clothing I have–taking decision fatigue out of my day, forcing me to style what I have in new ways, and helping me to see that I have enough–but that allows me to change things up (in a mindful way) when I need it too. So I’ve settled on a monthly capsule wardrobe.
Each month I will pick 30-40 items I want to style over the course of the month, and only wear those items. In fact, I’ve already sectioned off a portion of my closet for my monthly pieces. This way, I don’t have to permanently get rid of anything in my closet, I just only utilize one portion of it. In this way, I don’t have to spend time overhauling my whole wardrobe every month or figuring out where to store the things I’m not using, and I can easily switch things in that feel “brand new” the next month but are really things I already have in my closet. I especially think this trick of switching in “new” things I already own each month will help to fill the void of not purchasing new things. This will also be a great way to put my excess energy and time not spent on shopping into creating new outfits using the things I already own (further developing my personal style) and feeling great about myself for doing it! And that sounds a lot like practicing contentment to me.
I would love to document my daily thoughts on my capsule wardrobe here on the blog, so I’m in the process of figuring out the best way to do that (without adding too much extra to my workload). Would you be interested in seeing weekly or bi-weekly updates? Or maybe just an update at the end of the month? Let me know!
Anyways, those are my two main focuses for the month of January. I’m only on day three (28 more days to go in January haha) but I’m already feeling super motivated and excited to stay on track with my budget and capsule wardrobe this month.
I’ve also started journaling as a way to keep myself accountable (all expenses, goals, etc. in one place), so perhaps after I’ve developed a system that I’m happy with, I can share that with you too! Have a system that works for you? Feel free to share your tips below!
So tell me, what goals do you have for the new year? Have you ever tried a habit-based new year’s resolution? I’d love to know in the comments below!
You might also like…My 2018 Goals & Intentions and Thoughts on a No Spend Month.
Photos by Noah Berg
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Get the Look…
Top: Everlane | Pants: Madewell | Shoes: Madewell | Belt: Target (similar) | Headband: Francesca’s (similar) | Tumbler: Yeti
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